Saturday, August 25, 2007

Suddenly Everything Has Changed

There are times when I wish my life was documented on a reality-TV show. There are times when I wish I had a camera following me just so I would have the memories to always look to and see, memories of days like yesterday and today where I spent the majority of my time with friends catching up and having true conversations. But then I remember that no reality-TV show is a documentation of a realistic life, and I'm grateful for my camera-free existence.

Still, days like today deserve to be documented on tape because it shows how rich and deep relationships can go, and it reminds me of why I am so hesitant to graduate college in less than 9 months. It's not that the next chapter of my life doesn't excite me (even though I am still clueless as to what I will be doing), but the excitement so easily becomes overshadowed by fears, worries, and concerns. It was so easy to trust God this summer because I had no place else to turn, so I should easily trust him now. Only, it doesn't work that way because I see too many other options of where to place my trust, and God doesn't always yell as loudly as the other options. The reason I am hesitant is mainly because of the unknown.

I have so many questions concerning life after college, life where I hopefully move somewhere exciting like New York City or China and pursue the rest of my life there. Questions like "how will I pay insurance and buy groceries" as well as questions like "how do you make friends in the real world without the bubble college provides" and most importantly "how do I find a boyfriend in the real world".

Those questions might be easy to answer if I was one to head to the bars every night or use my credit card to buy groceries and deal with it later, but I've been that person before. And it's my hope to never be that person again because it doesn't work for me. I'm far less than joyful, and right now am literally paying the price for doing things like that. I want more, but I don't know how I get that more.

At least I have a little under 9 months to find the answers? Or better yet, a little under 9 months to wait for God to reveal the aswers to me. And 9 months to learn how to truly live a simple life. I've started that by filling three trashbags with clothes, shoes, and purses to give away and by not trying on a single pair of shoes while perusing Shoetopia this afternoon. It may not seem like a big deal, but trust me when I say that it is. A few more big deals and maybe I'll be closer to set for the rest of my life.