Much Farther To Go

I thought that saying goodbye would become easier as I grew older, but if anything, it has become harder.

Commencement and graduation are this weekend. I know so many people who are throwing their caps in the air and bidding farewell to OU. There are people moving to Connecticut, people moving to Virginia, people going home, and people who aren't sure yet. Their lives will continue without OU, and OU will continue without them. But for me, it won't be the same.

Friendships are difficult, no matter your age, but there's a sort of serenity with friendships in college. It's so easy to go weeks and sometimes months without seeing or talking to friends, and then one night you meet up for dinner at The Mont or you run into people on campus. And it's like nothing has changed. There's an ease in conversation and a familiarity to the humor you share. There's always something to talk about and people who connect you. Bringing new people into the friendships is effortless. There's so much room for freedom. No one has to worry about jumping through popularity hoops as was the case in high school and as will possibly be the case in the real world.

And then graduation happens and changes everything. Paths will cross again, but I won't see these people at 10 year reunions. I'm supposed to graduate with them. I'm supposed to be done with school according to the college plan that college is a 4-year institution. I have another year left here, and they're done. How does this work? How is it so easy to realize that I don't want to graduate and yet wish I could walk with these friends of mine? How is it that I can't quite figure out if I'm really not ready to join the real world?

And how will I ever replace some of these people? It's not that I am extremely close to these girls, but they've touched my life in a way that will never again be recreated. The pictures we have, the memories we share will always be special. But we're all in different places now. That's what is so hard about college, I think. Everything changes every year in a way bigger than the world of gossip and drunken hook-ups and revolving relationships that constitute some of high school. And I'm thankful for the changes. I'm just not quite sure how to respond to the changes.

And this summer will change even more. Separated by so many friends but with others for five straight weeks, I'll grow and adapt and maybe figure out who God is calling me to be in this big, wide world. Everyone I know will grow and adapt as well, and when we all come back into this world of OU and Norman and trips to Oklahoma City and getting through finals with wonderments of "Is it worth it? Should I just drop out?", we'll be different and yet the same.

And, because Carrie Bradshaw always says it best...
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.