Looking Forward to Looking Back

When I look in the mirror, it takes me a moment to realize that I am actually looking at the reflection of myself. I went blonde on Saturday, and I love the change. It just takes some getting used to. Now, if only I can lose some weight and have a television camera trail my every move, I will be complete. Because just like friendships aren't real until you are "friends" on facebook, life isn't real until you have a reality televsion show on MTV.

This summer will take care of that, I think. We'll be in China for a month, teaching English and American culture in Cangzhou, and one of the girls is bringing along her video camera. There will be confessionals along with all the live footage of us at work teaching. It might be hard to market to MTV, what with the lack of hook-ups, but it will be fun to shop around to friends and family. My own personal 15-minutes of fame.

Before China, I have a few days left in my apartment and then a weekend of Tulsa followed by a ropes course, and then it's homeward bound to Seabrook for a few days of relaxing. And then it's the return to camp; it will be just like summer 2005 but better!

There's something about being at camp and serving the kids that just excites the deepest part of my heart. I feel the same thing when I'm at the daycare. When 2-year-olds play hide-and-seek around you and rest their weight on you as you read to them, your heart sort of clenches (in a good way), and it makes me think that if I can do this, if I can help these kids, and turn it into a real-life job one day, I'll have done enough with my life.

When I said goodbye to my 2-year-olds on Tuesday, it was hard to keep from crying. Those kids changed my life. I learned patience. I realized what love was. I learned about God and how He wants me to run so hard after Him, just as those kids run hard after everything because everything excites them so much. Those lessons can never be taken from me or replaced just as those kids can never be replaced. I'll carry everything around with me wherever I go.

And as I hold your dirty hand all that I can say to you
Is in the awkward smile I make
I can’t explain why I came to this distant land
Your simple smiles refresh my soul and
I can’t help but love you and know
That you have all you need


As I look into your face I see hope and not disgrace
And strength that carries you along the rugged road you travel on
And as we go our separate ways you can be sure that I have changed
Because I’ve seen the way you live