how i missed my limb...

My computer is alive again.



I got System Restore to work. So I took my computer back a week and it fixed the problem. It now runs, and the CPU doesn't get up to 100%. It's still a bit warm and the laptop has had a tendency to overheat, so the new motherboard with be good for it. And I do need a new screen because the one I have jiggles a lot. So I still have my hard-drive, and Dr. Dell (who is really Dr. BancTec) should be here within the next hour. Hopefully I will get enough time to eat Taco Mayo with Morgan.

saul paul says...

So my laptop has died.



Well it is almost dead at least. The death is not official, and I am waiting on a Dell guy to call me up and let me know when he can come over and perform an autopsy. Because I need my computer; its like a limb I just can not function without. Especially as an English major. Yes I have other things to study, but I can't concentrate on French or Anthropology when my Inspiron 8500 is dying on the desk!



Basically the computer tkes 15 minutes to turn on. Then no toolbar shows up. I can't open any programs. The CPU is at 100%. The computer gets hots. It maks me mad. I can't even do anything in Safe Mode. So the Dell guy I talked to on the phone, his name was Saul or Paul or something American (I'll just call him Saul Paul), is sending me a new motherboard, a new screen (because mine is loose), a new keyboard (I think this was just an added bonus), and a new palm-rest, mousepad thing. I asked if I could just get a whole new computer, but he said no. Because I am pretty sure Dr. Dell is going to have to reformat everything. My dad said I could make him do it, so I am going to.



Dr. Dell guy and I will sit in the lobby of the residence hall, and he will fix my computer while not talking to me. Because these guys don't talk. Saul Paul and I sat on the phone for 52 minutes. Many of those minutes were filled with silence because he didn't say anything and I had cried my eys out before calling him. I thought about crying while on the phone with Saul Paul, but it would have been a little too strange to be comforted by Saul Paul who has no idea what I look like and already thought I was dumb because I asked stupid questions so he would TALK and I didn't feel like such a total loser.



I have a special number to call to find out about the status of everything. I think I am going to have to phone it after class because I have yet to receive an e-mail from Saul Paul that I was told to expect. He probably got the e-mail address wrong. At this point I am worried he got everything wrong because the guy just didn't seem to understand the words and letters that were coming out of my mouth. I think he took to calling me Waleslie as we were on the phone. So if I get a package for Waleslie the post office better let me pick it up. It is, after all, my motherboard and I NEED IT.

whispering over a two-way radio

So I just received 12 absolutely breath-takingly gorgeous roses from my dad as a way of saying "great job this semester, I am so proud of you". They are insanely huge and pink and red and yellow and a peachy-orange. With fern branced in the arrangement. And they smell so good. I just want to sit here and stare at them and smell them for the rest of the day instead of studying and going to class.



How I love my daddy. Will any boy ever be able to compete? I don't know; he'll have to be able to find some pretty big roses!

cool is just a way of being

Liz: OH....leslie
Liz: i'm listening to my launch radio station
Liz: :-)
Me: What?
Me: Uh huh
Liz: ALWAYS BE MY BABY!
Liz: so 5th grade
Me: LOVE that song.
Me: Oh honey I played that song whenever by heart got broke.
Me: It was my song for like five years.
Me: LOL
Liz: when i'm a famous singer, i will cover it
Liz: ;-)
Me: Sounds good to me.
Me: And write a dedication to me on the CD sleeve.
Me: I always wanted to be a singer so I could write a thank you for the CD sleeve.
Liz: LOL
Liz: hence, becoming a writer
Me: Yes yes
Liz: the music biz doesn't know what they missed
Me: Nope. They don't.
Liz: your liner notes
Liz: man

Liz: tragic
Me: One day, when I am on Jay Leno, they will know.



We really are that dorky. And, actually, we are even dorkier than that, but I have to maintain some cool points. I can't share all my secrets at once.



Me: BTW I am putting part of our AIM convo on my blog.
Liz: :-)
Liz: i'm gonna be famous!
Liz: make sure you link me
Liz: be my pimp, leslie



Yes we are cool. You should all want to be our friends.

wish you could hear me

She asked me once if it was love at first sight. Between her father and me, that is. I told her it wasn’t ‘cause it wasn’t. So she asked when I first realized I was in-love with him. It was one of those rare occasions when we were talkin’, really talkin’ about things other than the weather and her not-so-good grades. And I couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t recall for the life of me when I first fell in-love with him. That’s strange you know. Most women remember down to the minute. They tell you what they was wearing and what he smelled like. He could tell you all that but not me. The details never mattered much to me. That day, when we was talkin’, she asked what time she came into the world. Couldn’t tell her that either. Sad, huh? A mother who don’t remember when her only baby was born. Most people think it’s a shame, but my mother never remembered things and I grew up not carin’ about the details.



I wish I could remember now. Maybe things would be different if I had told her those things. Maybe life wouldn’t be the way it is, so messy and stuff, but he was the one who cared about the details. Her daddy, that is. He could tell you what the first vegetable she ate was and the day she went off to school, kindergarten. They was close, you know, real close. People used to laugh and say he was her mother and I was the daddy. I never thought it was funny, but he sure did. He would laugh about it and smile all big at me. Annoyed me to no end. Wish I could hear his laugh now.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember the last time life had made sense. It had been six years ago, exactly three days before Jacob packed his bags and left Michigan. He had written their parents a note saying that he needed to find himself and would be in California until he did. There was no explanation in the note for why he suddenly felt so lost, but Brooke had known. Her parents had remained dumb to the truth since then.


“He died in a car accident,” she said opening her eyes, the image of Jacob’s goodbye letter dissolving.


Sand trickled from Jacob’s hands. He glanced at her. “I know. Mom told me when she called.” He returned to studying the beach.


“A drunk-driving accident. Some idiot ran the one light in town and hit Brad’s car. He was heading home from the supermarket because he had to go buy cold medicine for Raven.”


“I know it was a drunk-driving accident. Mom told me; that’s why I’m here,” Jacob said. He surveyed Brooke until she focused her vision on the lake. “Who is Raven? I thought he and Chelsea got married.”


“They did. Right after you left. Raven’s their daughter; that’s what they named her.” Brooke rolled her head to watch Jacob’s expression in the fading sunlight. His happy exterior from the airport had disappeared and a remorseful one replaced it.


“I always thought Chelsea wanted to name her daughter Stephanie or Deanna.” Jacob pulled his legs to his chest and embraced them.


Brooke shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head to the side. “She wanted to name the daughter she thought she was going to have with you Stephanie. When you left, she didn’t know what to name her, and then she and Brad got married and picked a name at the hospital right after the baby was born.”

Because these words are a larger piece of my heart then even I understand. Because stories, both fiction and non-fiction and of the monologue sort, are a part of my life mixed with the lives of others. Because words survive after everything else fades away.

some musical history

According to this site Everything She Wants by Wham! was number one when I was born in 1985. I think I know that song, but I am not entirely sure. I am a horrible eighties child; I realize this.



When I turned 10 (because 10 was a very important age; hello- double digits!), This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan was number one. I remember that song somewhat fondly.



As I turned 13, again a very important age because you finally become a teenager, My All by Mariah Carey was number one. I miss those days because Mariah sang songs that meant something to me. Always Be My Baby was played all the time as I nursed broken hearts.



I got my driver's license when I was 16. The DMV shouldn't have given it to me because I didn't (and still don't) know how to parallel park. As long as I live in Houston my whole life, I won't have to. All for You by Janet Jackson was number one that day. I liked that song at the time. Now I wonder what was wrong with me. I even bought that album. I should keep that fact to myself from now on, I believe.



On a monumental day (when I turned 18 and was able to vote), Get Busy by Sean Paul was number one. That makes me very sad and brings back memories of my suitemate from SFASU who used to dance to Sean Paul all the time. That fact aside, she was cool. And sadly enough, Get Busy was still number one on the day that I graduated from high school. That makes me want to cry.

it's a way of saying things

I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine.

You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it.

I had gone so far out on a limb with my feelings but I didn't realize I was standing out there alone.

Because Carrie on Sex and the City is filled with wisdom. And sometimes television just says things so wonderfully you have to hold onto the quotes.