Not Sure What To Feel

Life changes. Every single day is different. Nothing ever stays the same. Relationships constantly adapt. People choose new paths to follow or decide to remain on the same path. Seemingly meaningless decisions can alter an entire day, week, year, and quite possibly a life. And yet, these decisions are made without a second thought or sometimes with too much though. At times, also, the decisions are postponed and not made.

I'm currently struggling with not making decisions. Not only that, but I am struggling with finding the drive to take time and devote it to school and to the things I realize I need to accomplish. It's a fear that is close to me, and that is a fear of success. Because if I succeed, then what?

I've discovered that more people than I would have thought are currently dealing with this as we are all moving towards the next steps in our lives following graduating from college. It is such a large milestone we hear and so exciting. But there is so much unknown, so many questions to answer and decisions to make and fact to align.

And this is why I am doing anything I can to escape it. Soon I'll run out of time for escaping. I've already run out of money. There are only so many nights you can go out to dinner and pairs of jeans you can purchase before you realize that escaping will not make the decisions disappear or stop life from changing. It just hurts you in the end.